One of my all-time favourite books is How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It should arguably be required reading in every educational institution. In an increasingly crowded and interconnected world, the ability to relate well to others may be one of the most essential skills we can develop.

“Yes,” I hear you ask, “what has that got to do with depression?”

Paradoxically, even though people are more connected than ever before, many are experiencing profound loneliness. And loneliness is a major contributor to depression. Across the globe, it is increasingly recognised as one of society’s most pressing social challenges.

Estimates suggest that around one in six people worldwide experience significant loneliness, contributing to hundreds of thousands of deaths each year. In countries like the United States, nearly one in three adults reports feeling lonely, with the highest rates among young adults. Loneliness is linked to increased risks of depression, high blood pressure, and early mortality.

So, if the ability to connect with others is so important, why are we rarely taught how to do it? Most of us learn through trial and error as we grow older, observing what works and what doesn’t in our relationships. By contrast, Carnegie’s work offers a thoughtful and practical guide to human interaction, grounded in careful observation of behaviour and social dynamics.

Armed with even a few of his principles, like remembering names, avoiding unnecessary criticism, showing genuine interest, asking questions, and listening attentively, almost anyone can improve their interactions with others, often quite quickly.

I was reminded of this when I lived in the Midlands. After writing a bestselling book on Joost van der Westhuizen, I became more socially active and met a wide range of people in everyday settings: shops, sports clubs, markets, and community spaces.

Over time, I noticed that some people, particularly women living on their own, were less likely to participate in social settings like local pubs or bars, often because it can feel uncomfortable to go alone. That small barrier can reinforce isolation.

Whenever the opportunity arose, I would invite them along for a casual drink or conversation. Often, they appreciated the invitation – not because of anything extraordinary, but simply because it created an easy, low-pressure way to connect.

This didn’t go unnoticed by a few university students who worked at a local pub during the holidays. One evening, they asked how I seemed to strike up conversations so easily, and why women appeared comfortable in my company. Half-jokingly, I told them they needed a short course in social skills.

To my surprise, they took me seriously.

We agreed to meet one quiet afternoon. They even invited a friend, John. For about an hour, I shared a handful of Carnegie’s core ideas – without mentioning the source. What struck me most was how eager they were to learn what are, in essence, very simple interpersonal skills. John, however, said very little and showed little outward reaction.

Two weeks later, one of the students pulled me aside. “We’ve all been on dates,” he said, smiling. “Some of them went really well. But the best part is John – he thinks you’ve changed his life. He finally spoke to someone he’d liked for ages, and now they’re together. He said everything you suggested worked.”

It was a gratifying outcome to what had begun as a light-hearted exercise. But it also highlighted something more serious: how few people are ever taught the basics of connecting with others.

The fact that a simple, informal conversation about interpersonal skills could make such a difference suggests a gap in how we prepare people for life. If loneliness is as widespread as the data suggests, then equipping people with the tools to engage confidently and authentically with others could be one of the simplest and most effective ways to improve well-being.

In the end, tackling loneliness doesn’t always require complex solutions. Sometimes, it starts with small, human skills: listening, showing interest, and making others feel seen.